I have ridden horses for the past ten years, with there being more ups and downs that anyone could ever imagine. It started when I was seven years old, with my parents convinced it was just a phase, like every other sport (probably more than ten) was before that.
It soon was more than that, with my first show in my third year of riding. It was on a pony named Spice that was a saint of a pony that I continue to love to death. That year of showing ended and I ended up at a new barn where I developed confidence issues, anxiety issues, and many other issues.
Over the course of the next four years, I would be on a dollar coaster of whether I was mentally sound enough to control my horse, Hero (ironic name). I would have anxiety attacks on a weekly basis while riding, didn't feel safe on a horse I continue to love today, and just felt like I was bound to be hurt. But I continued. I perservered through those though times.
My parents decided to go to a trainer who also was a licensed therapist as they could help with the anxiety (I still ride with her many years later). I rode a horse named Luke, a underweight, undermuscled thoroughbred that was and still is one of the best things to ever happen to me. He allowed me to regain confidence and become the rider that could go from barely being able to trot to jumping 2'6" courses within just about six months.
After we lost the lease on Luke, I switched trainers, tried to find a new horse, considered buying a horse, then I was given the opportunity to lease my current horse, Lincoln (his show name is Mr. President and he's kind of adorable). He's a Percheron/TB cross who has successfully evented to training level, done a bajillion hunter/jumper shows, and pretty much anything else.
It may be somewhat prevalent as to why I am a hot mess, but we haven't even started yet. Within the course of two years, I received two concussions (both riding related). One caused me to loose memory for about an hour and I still remember none of it, and the other required a concussion specialist doctor that required I do nothing except eat and sleep for over two months. I also have been trying to decide which discipline I want to compete in for over a year now. I'm currently debating eventing, so let's hope it's my final choice. Then I'm a junior in high school in an extremely accelerated program that even former students claim is harder than college, and I'm going through the process of SATs, finding colleges, applying, and hoping that I get enough scholarships to at least cover books.
I am a hot mess, and that is all I can really say. I've accepted that I am, and that's why I made this. To hopefully help me make sense of the hot mess equestrian I am.
